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 on: June 23, 2013, 09:54:17 PM 
Started by Camster - Last post by Camster

 on: February 06, 2013, 12:39:38 AM 
Started by diades - Last post by diades
If you don't laugh at  this one, you're not breathing...

A fire fighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The  girl was wearing a fire fighter's helmet and the wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look.
'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the fire fighter said with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied. The fire fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
'Little partner,' the fire fighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think  you could go faster'. The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.

 on: January 14, 2013, 11:37:32 AM 
Started by NZL 20 - Last post by NZL 20
Work is to begin on a new Peter Jackson Epic.

Following his success with The Rings Trilogy, & The Hobbits an Unexpected Journey, filming is set to start on his latest epic in the same genre......


 on: January 10, 2013, 11:14:14 PM 
Started by NZL 20 - Last post by Etoile des Neiges
French car semi-automatic system is the best

 on: January 06, 2013, 12:32:24 PM 
Started by NZL 20 - Last post by NZL 20


They are referred to as " homo slackass-erectus " created by natural genetic downward evolution through constant spineless posturing and spasmodic upper limb gestures, which new research has shown to cause shorter legs and an inability to ambulate other than in an awkward shuffling gait. The "drag-crotch" shape also seems to effect brain function.


Expect no eye contact or intelligent verbal communication. History shows that this species mostly receives food stamps and full government welfare.  Unfortunately, most are highly fertile.

 on: December 31, 2012, 10:22:18 PM 
Started by diades - Last post by diades
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I"m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the Principal, who will then fire you!"
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary"s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn"t read your homework. And three, one day when you get married you are going to be very, VERY disappointed."

 on: December 31, 2012, 03:51:34 AM 
Started by NZL 20 - Last post by Camster
wd Santa - I'll make sure this gets the attention it deserves!

 on: December 30, 2012, 02:52:48 PM 
Started by NZL 20 - Last post by NZL 20

 on: December 19, 2012, 12:55:01 PM 
Started by NZL 20 - Last post by NZL 20
Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones


Dear Timmy,

Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus


Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this
joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Tim Jones

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus


Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys
and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you’re ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy


Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.


That’s what I thought you little bastard.


 on: December 17, 2012, 03:26:19 PM 
Started by NZL 20 - Last post by NZL 20

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